~ by Fr. Joseph Carver, SJ

When a Jesuit professes his first vows, he kneels before the Eucharist and prays the vow formula, which reads in part: “I vow to your Divine Majesty and the entire heavenly court perpetual poverty, chastity and obedience in the Society of Jesus.” I have often asked myself the question: Who is in my heavenly court? Who is it that is standing alongside me, supporting me that I might live this life? My ordination this June answered this question at least in part.

Hiking in the Mission Range, high above St. Ignatius, Montana, I was offered not only extraordinary views but also time to review all that has happened this summer. I was overcome – not just because of my need for oxygen – with gratitude for the countless friends, family and Jesuit brothers, who have made tremendous sacrifices over the years to sustain me on my way to ordination. I have not come here alone, that is certain.

The question I have been asked most frequently is: “What was it like lying there at ordination?” Truly it remains a place deeper than words, but I can say that listening to the litany being sung I finally began to understand what the communion of saints is all about, what the heavenly court truly means. I was surrounded. Lying in the nave at St. Aloysius’ Church, my imagination was filled with the image of standing in a grove of giant Sitka Spruce. Many of whom I knew by name: family members, former students, family, directors, directees, mentors and so many other living creatures inviting me forward and upward. Lying there during that moment somehow contained all moments, as my own heavenly court became so much clearer, and more real. Feeling, awkward, tentative and afraid and yet strengthened I knew I was surrounded in this new beginning.

Jesuits often use the phrase “our way of proceeding” over these years of formation it has meant many things: never being satisfied with mediocrity, moving beyond the known, the tried or the already. Boundaries and obstacles were always new challenges to be met with holy boldness, with a kind of apostolic aggressivity – and yet today there was something more.

My heavenly court was inviting something else forward and upward – the simple and clear invitation that “our way of proceeding” was before all Christ’s way of acting. It was a holy boldness sure but a holiness characterized by wholeness, which meant sourcing myself in Christ: surrounded sure, but surrounded first by His mercy, compassion, and love.

Ordination in Spokane is still a blur of tears, graces, and intense joy, which will take months to unpack. Working in Montana this summer has been such a time of gratitude. It is good to be surrounded by wonder, inspiration, invitation and yet at the same time feel deeply rooted. Looking into the lake below, I felt once again an overwhelming sense of gratitude for all that God has done. I am at a loss for words except the same two addressed over and over again, to my heavenly court: thank you, thank you, thank you.